Welcome To The Dark Side

It was today when first I noticed it. I might have suspected it some time ago, but I didn't really figure it out until this morning.

I'm losing color.

Maybe there's a more refined way to put it, but for the moment that's all I can think of. I should explain it, though. What I really mean is, I'm a lot less fun now than I was three weeks ago. Over the past few weeks, since the New Year, I've become positively gray. At first I thought I was growing up, or I attributed it to my growing infatuation with her, and I shrugged it off. But now I think that I'm becoming boring. Which is something the old me would never have allowed.

The new me doesn't crack jokes, can't carry a conversation, ignores his friends, sits quietly all the time without saying a word, can't concentrate in class and falls asleep everywhere. It's a problem. I've become twitchy and subdued, my attention span has dropped to an all time low, verbally I'm a klutz. Nothing makes me happy anymore except for my music and anti-depressants like sugar and chocolate and ice cream. But none of these are permanent fixes. I've been hitting hot and cold on everyone, and no one's said anything but I think I'm starting to creep some people out.

Of course, as soon as I found out I knew I would have to change it. Nothing is worth what I'm doing to myself, not even her. There's no point in winning her heart if I lose myself on the way. And there's no way I can accomplish the former in my current state. So I knew what I had to do. Everything the old me used to do. Play video games. Stop thinking all the time. Blow off steam in the van. Draw.

So I had my fun. Ignored consequences. I screamed, "Learn to drive, grandma!" at a ginormous flatbed truck that could have squashed us flat or crushed us completely at whim. Especially seeing how it was right behind us for about five minutes while we were stuck in a jam.

I threw a bag of sticks and sauce off the side of an overhead bridge onto the busy road below as we stopped for traffic lights. There were cars all around us, and they were watching. With disapproving looks.

"Hey, why drive so fast? Is your mom pregnant?" - Kevin

I stole a test tube; I stole an ice cream; I wrote secret messages with double meanings under one of the tables in the computer lab; I played drum solos on all the tables in the homework room; I counted the cars that overtook our van on the road home, thinking rude thoughts at each one as the passed. Thinking hard. And in the Physics lab Azfar and Sanjay and I ran little wooden toy cars off a ramp and into our stomachs. The whole experience was like something out of MTV Whatever Things.

"So there was this six-hour movie about an eight-year old boy who was drinking and smoking and womanizing. So his dad sent him to the army to make him a man. It didn't work, and all he learned to do there was write poetry with his own blood! So he comes back home and falls in love with this maid, but she's already engaged and his parents don't approve (the staple for all Bollywood movies). And at the end of a massive fight scene he rescues her on an elephant and they escape down a secret underground passage." - Dexter.

So now that I'm finally out for the weekend, I know I resolved to blog about the parties I had last weekend, but all I've done since I got back was relax. Play some games, draw a couple of things and put the iPod to use. Play tennis, go swimming, forget all about school for a while. Forget about school? I wish.

Tomorrow I've got an Interact thing at school. I hear it's an interview. Membership is pretty terrifying. The very first thing they did when we joined was warn us about how we would be cut at a moment's notice. If we skipped out on club activites for any reason short of a nuclear fallout; if we missed two meetings in a row; if they bloody well felt like it they could fire us whenever they liked. So we've got stuff we have to do, like teach tuition to little kids. Dunno about all that, we haven't started anything much yet. They did say they were gonna cut at least ten of us by the first week, which probably means tomorrow. Hold me, I'm scared.

On a lighter note, Sam and Fuzzy starts a new storyline on Monday! I'm guessing this one picks up from where Empire left off, after a whole month of what could be considered essentially filler. Woohoo! Sam and Fuzzy is my all-time favorite webcomic, for me it tops even the likes of Penny Arcade and Scary Go Round. I have always loved all the characters, and now they're finally in a brand new setting, and doing pretty well from the looks of it. It's like the start of season two! Which is always the cause for excitement. Sam Logan rocks my world.