Intermission: Happy Chinese New Year From The Criminal Files Of The FBI

Now, I know the comic's not finished yet. But so far the only part of page three I've drawn is... a pool table. So in part one of a three-part series of intermissions, here's the lowdown on my family's reunion dinner.

So things started out, like every year. Boring.

Adults have their dinner...

Kids experience Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones goodness.

You are playing... Quake III. Lightning gun! BZZZT!!!

Burnout Revenge. Like playing golf. Golf with cars.

!Caution! the iPod's surround sound quality may cause you to believe you can sing as well as your favorite artist, or that everyone can hear same the beautiful music you can. Generally speaking, this is NOT THE CASE. Becoming too immersed in the iPod's magic may cause people to harbor resentful feelings for you, and in some cases may even cause them to hit you.

Half empty, half full or "Who gives a damn? Coke!"

I vaugely remember someone telling me that ice cream was no substitute for a relationship. Shows what they know. Oh, Mini Magnum. You light my fire.

Everything was cool until the murder.

It didn't stop there. No one knew how the victims met their fates, but some suspected poison.

One of the victims had been spotted earlier in this photograph, chewing on something experts believe was drugs. What kind of drugs? Crowbars.

Running short on crowbars, the deceased had to ask for money, first from his father, then his grandmother. He drew blanks both times.

Under the effects of chronic depression, he was later seen on the swings.

He was later reported in a sighting battling imaginary Agents matrix-style. (Click on the link. If you don't, you may yet live to regret it.)

While foul play was initially believed to be the cause of the victim's death, it was later revealed that the following overheard conversation could have factored in suicide.

"That's my daddy."
"No, that man only thinks he's your daddy."

Still, popular theory mantains that both victims were murdered, by a mysterious woman in brown. She was first sighted in this photograph, though obviously not a part of the family holding the celebrations.

After all, what kind of person uses a laptop to shut themselves off from a family reunion dinner? Answer: a murderer.

Observe, if you will, the following series of unfortunate events. This footage was retrieved from a concealed security camera at 2210 hours. Imaginary dialogue has been inserted, but it purports to generate a purely hypothetical view of the situation. You are free to draw your own conclusions.

"Evans! Stop that! Don't make me come over there!"

"Up yours, woman."

"That was amazingly MTV. And rude! Where did you learn to talk like that?"
"I got it from your dad. He was talking to your mom."

"That crosses the line. Gimme that tissue! I think I'm gonna have a BF!"
"What's a BF?"

"A bitch fit!"

"What ever, lady. You couldn't handle it."

Half an hour later, the deceased was dead.

Coincidence? The FBI think otherwise. But they want to be sure. They want you, faithful readers, to have the final say on the case. So tell us. What really happened that fateful CNY night? Leave a comment and tell us what you think!

You can make a difference.

A final, baffling addition to the case: neither of the previous stated possibilities explain the suspicious actions of this man.