First Weekend of April 2006

Warning: This post is not for casual reading. It is damnably long, and was intended to be read throughly. Sections of it were written during a fitful doze, so some parts may not make sense. You have been warned.

Brian: So your class is going to the spastic center huh?
Rufus: Yeah, 4K and 4W are going.
Brian(4P): The two most retarded classes la.
Rufus(4K): Oh Brian, you're confusing your class with my class again.

When yesterday ended I considered it one of the best days of my life. Going treasure hunting with half the form, watching Inside Man and playing the new Kingdom Hearts makes for an pretty much unbeatable combination.

After today I know the truth. This has been, as far as my memory serves, the best weekend of my life.

Like, no shit.

Why? Cause today was my birthday, which I was initially going to spend playing more Kingdom Hearts (which by the way contains toxic amounts of kick ass).

But as it turned out some people had other ideas.

Conspiracy.

This is the buildup.

Wednesday, Cafeteria.

Peak Sheng: So that's twenty from you, and from Komala. Daniel, do you want to contribute?
Jun Ian: Hey guys. Peak Sheng, why do you have so much money?
Peak Sheng: Hustling.
Wai Khuin: Do you know why? Peak Sheng, I'll tell him okay?
Peak Sheng: Wai Khuin!
Wai Khuin: They're starting a PS3 fund for me. Do you wanna contribute?
Jun Ian: I'm sure.

Everyone laughs.

Thursday, Basketball Court.

Peak Sheng: So we gotta keep on...

Wai Khuin sees me on approach.

Wai Khuin: Hey, Jun Ian! The PS3 fund is really starting to come alive!
Peak Sheng: Good one, Wai Khuin!
Jun Ian: ... ...

Later.

Wai Khuin: You can't be that blur right? You do know what we're doing right?
Jun Ian: What?
Wai Khuin: Oh my god, you are that blur.
Jun Ian: Or maybe I'm just, you know, pretending to be blur.
Wai Khuin: I don't think so.

Friday, The Inter Net.

[10:36:14 PM] Peak0 - projekt G.I.G. : oh, btw. how much are those FX
lightsabers? im thinking of getting one.
[10:36:51 PM] [d] kingdom. hearts. TWO. : 500-600
[10:37:06 PM] [d] kingdom. hearts. TWO. : a lot
[10:37:07 PM] Peak0 - projekt G.I.G. : ouch.
[10:37:25 PM] [d] kingdom. hearts. TWO. : yes
[10:38:14 PM] Peak0 - projekt G.I.G. : back to the drawing board
[10:38:40:PM] [d] kingdom. hearts. TWO. : the drawing board... of... what
[10:38:44 PM] Peak0 - projekt G.I.G. : so how do u plan to jive in my side of the story
[10:39:22 PM] Peak0 - projekt G.I.G. : how to save more money for that thing
[10:39:36 PM] [d] kingdom. hearts. TWO. : ...
[10:39:39 PM] [d] kingdom. hearts. TWO. : pimp more
[10:39:49 PM] Peak0 - projekt G.I.G. : u planning on ever getting one?
[10:39:55 PM] [d] kingdom. hearts. TWO. : eventually
[10:40:07 PM] [d] kingdom. hearts. TWO. : remember my story about the man, the boy and the plastic tube?
[10:40:14 PM] Peak0 - projekt G.I.G. : erm, vaguely
[10:40:25 PM] [d] kingodm. hearts. TWO. : yeah, I need to see if the impression sticks.

Saturday, Treasure Hunt Aftermath.

Peak Sheng: So, I'm taking Clarissa to 1U later.
Jun Ian: Why?
Peak Sheng: Oh she has some shopping to do.
Jun Ian: Shopping? Can I come along? I wanna watch V for Vendetta.
Peak Sheng: I don't think that's such a good idea.
Jun Ian: Why is that?
Peak Sheng: My mom might not be able to take you.
Jun Ian: You have a big car.
Peak Sheng: Yes... I do.
Mahadi: I wanna watch V for Vendetta too. Come on, Jun Ian, let's go to KLCC and abuse our Treasure Hunt shirts on the LRT.
Jun Ian: 1U is easier for me.

Peak Sheng speaks to his mom on the phone.

Peak Sheng: Don't take too many people la... she says she might not be able to send you.
Jun Ian: Me and Mahadi... that's all.
Peak Sheng: Also she uh just... cleaned the car. So if you're all dirty you shouldn't get in.
Jun Ian: I changed my clothes and now I'm at least as clean as you.
Peak Sheng: I... I guess it's all right.

Peak Sheng's mom arrives.

Peak Sheng: Jun Ian, you should go sit in the car first. Mahadi and I will wait here for Clarissa.
Jun Ian: Uh, okay.

Later, 1U.

Peak Sheng: Yeah, Clarissa and I are going to be in Coffee Bean for awhile. You go get your Kingdom Hearts.
Mahadi: Come on Jun Ian, let's go.

Received Key Item: Kingdom Hearts.

Jun Ian: Hey look it's Peak Sheng and Clarissa! Moving fast, too. Let's go over and say hi.
Mahadi: Um, yeah...
Peak Sheng: Yeah, then we should go get the...
Jun Ian: There were like six guys with Kingdom Hearts! It's everywhere!
Peak Sheng: Holy shit where did you come from?
Clarissa: Where's Mahadi?
Jun Ian: Across the way. You guys made it here pretty fast huh?
Clarissa: What's so good about this game?
Jun Ian: That there in the corner is Jack Sparrow.
Peak Sheng: Aren't you going to watch a movie or something?
Mahadi: We just came from TGV (or GSC, I always get them mixed up).
Jun Ian: V for Vendetta is 18PL apparently. And both Inside Man and V for Vendetta start around six anyway. I should be gone by that time.
Peak Sheng: Try the new cinema. Come on, we should be going.
Jun Ian: Yeah. Clarissa, can I have my game back?

Mahadi gets a call from Peak Sheng.

Mahadi: Yes, Sparkles. Yes I have fifty bucks. Hell no. Alright, see ya.
Jun Ian: What was that all about?
Mahadi: Clarissa needs fifty bucks for some shopping thing.
Jun Ian: I have fifty bucks.

Short Messaging Service.

Jun Ian: Why do you need fifty bucks?
Peak Sheng: Clarissa's short on cash.
Jun Ian: I can lend you fifty bucks if you really want it.
Peak Sheng: That's okay we got the money from Aiman.

Sunday Morning, Short Messaging Service.

Pia: Hey, happy sweet sixteen. =p Hope you have a great day...
Jun Ian: Thanks but I already had my great day yesterday and I doubt I'll be as lucky again.
Pia: Ah well. You never know.

Later, In Da Car.

Mom: Yeah, I have to go back to 1U. I left my watch there to get fixed yesterday.
Jun Ian: You're wearing your watch.
Mom: My other watch.
Jun Ian: So what are we having for lunch?
Dad: Jamin said she wanted Pizza last night.
Jun Ian: Pizza Hut?
Dad: So let's go to Shakey's.

Later, 1U.

Jun Ian: Rachel!
Rachel: New phone!

Rachel moves on.

Jun Ian: Who asked?

Kite shop (with kites).

Jun Ian: Azfar!
Azfar: Happy Birthday man!
Jun Ian: What are you doing here?
Azfar: Family stuff.
Jun Ian: Is that... Kingdom Hearts II?
Azfar: Yeah.

Shakey's Pizza.

Jun Ian: Let's sit here. Perfect spot!
Mom: Nah, let's sit outside.
Jun Ian: Why outside? One whole section has been reserved!

Outside.

Jun Ian: It is hot! Let's go in.
Mom: Wait here and I will tell them to turn on the fans.
Jun Ian: I'm going to the bathroom.

On the way to the Bathroom.

Jun Ian: Yoong Jie! Dexter! Azfar!
Dexter: Uh, hey.
Jun Ian: What the hell? Why are you guys here and why didn't you tell me?
Azfar: Hey man. I have family stuff.
Dexter: Yeah, I'm going to watch a movie with some people.
Yoong Jie: I'm just... here.

At the foot of the escalator.

Jun Ian: Wai Khuin!
Wai Khuin: Hey.
Jun Ian: What are you doing here? What's in that bag?
Wai Khuin: Present for Dass.
Jun Ian: An MU hat? How could you possess such a thing? Doesn't it burn you?
Wai Khuin: That is why it's in a plastic bag.
Jun Ian: When is Dass's birthday anyway?
Azfar: It's tomorrow.
Jun Ian: The what now.
Wai Khuin: Okay Jun Ian here is your present.

Wai Khuin presents pens.

Wai Khuin: I... was not able to remove the price tags.

The price tags are legible, but badly scratched and mangled.

Wai Khuin: But I did make an effort.
Jun Ian: Okay.
Mahadi: Hey.
Jun Ian: What is this? A twilight zone reunion? Why are you here?
Dexter: Hey Mahadi.
Mahadi: I'm just here because Peak Sheng asked me to be here.
Jun Ian: So he's here too? That's one crazy string of coincidences.

Back at Shakey's Pizza.

Jun Ian: And there are so many people here today! Maybe I should call them here and force Shern to buy us a cheese cake.
Mom: Maybe you shouldn't do that.
Jun Ian: This place is really... Eugene? What the hell.
Eugene: Hey.
Jun Ian: How did you find me? Did they tell you I was here?
Eugene: No, I was just... passing through. Here's your birthday card.

Eugene leaves.

Jun Ian: What???

Then the cavalry arrives. En masse. Peak Sheng. Michael. Eugene. Mark. Pardeep. Eliot. Jason. Dexter. Azfar. Dassila. Wai Khuin. Ben Kane. Yoong Jie. Mahadi. Pia. Sabrina.

Jun Ian: What the hell? Who told you that I was -

I turn to my mom.

Jun Ian: YOU!

And the rest, they say, is history.

Recorded history. Observe the following from the criminal files of the FBI.

It was about as seedy a gathering as the world had ever seen. Every criminal in the city from kingpins to street urchins were meeting in an unprecedented move by the Big Cheese himself to unite the gangs and take the city from beyond the grasp of the law.

Crime lords, drug pushers, hitmen, con artists, hustlers... the guest list read like the who's who of criminology.

A den of evil incarnate.

It started out alright, as the hoods got down doing gangsterly activities. Like playing pool.

And playing J-pop dancing games.

But criminals being criminals, several fights inevitably broke out.

By the time order was restored, it was discovered that the Big Cheese had met with an unfortunate "accident".

According to witness accounts this is the last time anyone ever saw the Big Cheese. Alive.

It was, however, general opinion that he did leave a rather dashing corpse.

A mysterious weapon was soon discovered at the scene of the "accident". Of course, the double inverted commas represent unmistakable evidence that the "accident" was no "accident" at all. It was... murder. DUM DUM DUM.

This is a case photo of the suspected murder weapon.

It is uncertain how the weapon was smuggled past security, but it is believed that it was somehow hidden in the food. This hints at an inside accomplice, and we believe our cameras have found just the person.

The lady in green is seen only once throughout the entire proceedings, sipping coffee at a restaraunt that serves no coffee. This hints at shady origins. Where did this coffee come from? Where was the lady in green at the time of the "accident"? But even so she could only have been an accomplice and not the murderer, as the following evidence proves.

After questioning it was determined that only one of three suspects could have performed the... murder. DUM DUM DUM.

The first is this man. Mohammad Azfar, convicted cereal killer.
He was released from death row after surviving the chair, the gas chamber and the firing squad through sheer stubborness. This was seen as by the warden as a sign that he was a man protected by God, and Azfar walked (on water).
In this picture he is in the act of putting a pool ball to sleep. Permanently.

A video of him in conversation with the deceased minutes before the "accident" was found in the security archives. Audio was lacking but our expert lip-reading experts from the Malaysian Association for the Blind have managed to fill in some of the gaps for us. The following is their transcript of the conversation.

*transcript begins*

"So glad you could join me, [unknown, possibly 'as far']."
"What do you want, Cheese?"
"Paranoid as always. Can't a man have a [unknown, no matches] talk with one of his friends?"
"You've got no friends, Cheese. And I know you didn't call me here to help you eat ice cream, so out with it - what do you want?"
"You cut me deep, [unknown, possibly 'as far']. Real deep."
"Is this about the [unknown, possibly 'few shun ring']? Because I thought we were already over that."
"Cool it, [unknown, possibly 'as far']. Whatever happens in Wai Kit Road, stays in Wai Kit Road. Remember? This is not about that night. Nights."
"Then what is it about?"
"[unknown, possibly ' chocolate cake']."

*transcript ends*

The second suspect is this woman. Last seen January 28th 2006 at the crime scene of the Chinese New Year case, she was then known only as the woman in brown. We now know her name is Cruella De Vil the Third, and like her mother and grandmother harbors a fetish for fur, especially dog fur. She is suspected as an accomplice because of previous involvement with Azfar, during an incident where she alledgedly saved him from a puppy named Vicious. Yes. That incident.

The third and final suspect is Jonathan "Sparkles" Tan, so named for his secret mutant power to make things sparkle. He has been charged for multiple attempts at grand theft auto and is also suspected of prize fraud in last year's Defence of the Ancients competition. He is seen (far left) in this picture with a group of people all dressed the same. Who are these fashion victims? Clearly the mysterious cult group known only as Organization V.

This picture was taken the day before the... murder. DUM DUM DUM. It shows more supposed members of Organization V. A cryptic message, Start/Finish can be seen. What could it mean? Clearly something sinister. But not half as suspicious as the mysterious Hot Link. What is this link? Could it be the key to linking this case together?

This picture of him with a unnamed man wielding the mysterious weapon was found in an anonymous tipoff. This is obviously a standoff of some sort, which (hypothetically) ended with the unnamed man launching the weapon and his entire body into the suspect's left eye at approximately the speed of sound. While this matches the fact that insults were directed at the assailant's mother some time earlier, it does not match the fact that both victim and assailant of this supposed attack are seen alive in this next picture.

Conspiracy.

This coded message was later discovered at the scene of the... murder. DUM DUM DUM.

Within the envelope were photographs from a terrorist training cell. It was a clue that only led to more questions.

Upon closer inspection, it was a letter to the Big Cheese from one of the other crime lords in attendance, informing him that the situation had escalated and warning him of hidden dangers. The letter reads as follows.

The situation has been escalated. Beware of hidden dangers.

- Crime Lord

P.S. - Nope no one has seen Azfar. I heard about that ice cream problem of yours. Good luck getting him to help you eat it.

The message, apparently never reached Big Cheese. The messager was sidetracked at the event.

He had some business with an orphan named Voon, who may or may not have been involved in the... murder. DUM DUM DUM.

The mystery remains unsolved, but clues point to a secretive but all-powerful shadow organization as the puppet masters.

The evidence seems clear, but the FBI is again baffled. Once again they want you, faithful readers, to have the final say on the case. So tell us. What really happened to Big Cheese? Tell us what you think!

You can make a difference.

A final, baffling addition to the case: neither of the previous stated possibilities explain the suspicious actions of this man.