In Matters Of Interest

Dexter: Why are no two male sperm ducts the same?
Jun Ian: Why?
Dexter: Because of the vas deferens.

When I tried to pull this one on Azfar, he just screamed "VAS DEFERENS!" and then started griping loudly about how three people had already told him that joke. Then he wondered if he was responsible for the rising number of awful jokes floating around lately.

I wonder.

Azfar: What do you call it when I put my hands together like this?
Peako: What?
Azfar: Diameter! See? Radius and... radius!

If you don't know anything about Biology you probably wouldn't have gotten the last two, so to speak. However, appreciation of the following transcripts requires no such... specialization.

Jason: Are you tripping... tripping on pins?
Azfar: No, cause I got thumbtacks.

Crutches, Azfar. Crutches.

Azfar: What do you call waves in the black sea?
Jun Ian: Does this have something to do with Ribena?
Azfar: Black current!

He's made it into a sort of vendetta. Whenever Azfar opens his mouth these days, people just run.

Azfar: What do you call a Transformer's quest?
Jun Ian: If you say transmission I will end you.

But I got him back... sort of.

Jun Ian: What do Nathan and a boy wizard have in common?
Azfar: What?
Jun Ian: They're both Harry.

On a happier note, MTV's long search for its next rock star is now over. After Guan Xiong's live performance in Valencia a couple of weeks back, lesser artists everywhere are laying down their instruments to weep.

I'm proud to say I was there... though I was out of the room at the time and didn't witness the event firsthand.

Click to watch.

We predict runaway success.

Mdm Moses: So where are you all having your prom this year?

The class exchanges furtive looks.

Lisha: Er.... nowhere, madam.
Lih Fern: We're not having... a prom.
Jun Ian: What's a prom?

You know, that prom.

Oops.

I think we're not allowed to have prom. Like it's illegal or something. Well, no surprise there. The school doesn't encourage socialization anyway.

Mrs Matthews: Students in the lower secondary should not have upper secondary friends.

She really did say that... really.

Now I'm going to share a little bit about my mass communications talk last Career's Day. I've been meaning to do so for about a week, but the National Service mess took precedence.

Our speaker, Alfred, showed up about half an hour late, with a backpack, glasses and a ponytail. He was sweating.

Jun Ian: Guy looks like he ran here!
Daniel: No, he looks like he rock climbed here!

Lessons in Mass Communications #1

If you're an actor, success obviously is measured by how famous you become, but *COUGH*that*COUGH*is never*COUGH*going to*COUGH*happen*COUGH*in this country*COUGH*

Lessons in Mass Communications #2

My PC Gamer editor has the best job in the world. He plays World of Warcraft.
No, scratch that. My T3 editor has the best job in the world. See, it's a lifestyle magazine, so he gets to call up all these companies like BMW and Mercedes and ask for cars, and he calls modeling agencies for women to take pictures with the cars... I hate him.

Lessons in Mass Communications #3

So we having this exam, right. And at the beginning the examiner says to us, "Okay, you need to do whatever it takes to pass this exam. Now I'm going to go out for a while."
And we're just sitting there clueless, and we continue to do our exam like normal.
After some time he comes back in and says, "No look, I don't think I made myself clear enough. You need to do. Whatever. It. Takes. To pass this exam. Now I'm going to step out again."
This time, as soon as he's out of the room we all whip out our books and start copying like crazy.
Then suddenly, the door opens and this tutor walks in. Everyone freezes as we stare at him and he stares at us. Then he goes very slowly, "I'm not your invigilator..." and just turns around and walks back out.

He was a really interesting guy, funny and an engaging speaker. But his talk didn't do much to get us interested in mass communications. He painted a very realistic picture of the local industry - it sucks - and he never tried to hide that from us.

I guess overseas it is.

National Disservice

Number of WMS Drafted: 34 and counting

Introduction

sherylgan: ok, fellow NS-ers
Li-Anne: OMG DAMN SAD LA

No one saw it coming. We all knew, well, that the possibility was clear and present, yet we somehow believed that National Service could only happen to 'someone else'. Which is true. Unfortunately, as Liwen puts it, to other people you're 'someone else'.

In other news, local emigration rates hit an all time high.

And what about myself?

*help christine: u kena... omg!!
*help christine: check the site

That was the beginning.

Checking

*unicef Demon Bound: where DO you check anyway
[DisEnchanted]: on the NS official site
*unicef Demon Bound: yeah the site runs like a carcass

The site is http://www.khidmatnegara.gov.my/ but don't count on getting in.

[5corch]: i cant get in the site
[5corch]: freaking ppl stop checking
[5corch]: i bet ppl when they get chosen they are so horrified that they forget to log off the site and start screaming for help

There's a good chance you'll just turn up one of these.

*unicef Demon Bound: ...the khidmat negara site refuses to let me check my name
Screw Khidmat Negara: they didnt let u check coz UVE BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY dex

There exist several theories to explain the site's sorry state.

junian - national disservice: its jammed up everywhere
-?ui?q?s-: uagrgahghahghghghg
-?ui?q?s-: just because i went for tuition
junian - national disservice: you jammed the internet by going tuition?
-?ui?q?s-: the internet wasn't jammed before my tuition

Seems unlikely? Well, here's another one.

G u a n x i o n g : no
G u a n x i o n g : no
G u a n x i o n g : YES
G u a n x i o n g : DIDNT KENA
G u a n x i o n g : deng
G u a n x i o n g : suat cheat me
G u a n x i o n g : still dont know kena a not
G u a n x i o n g : cause the connection timed out
G u a n x i o n g : fuck!
junian - national disservice: ah yeah
junian - national disservice: mine also timed out
junian - national disservice: you try yours
G u a n x i o n g : mine also la
G u a n x i o n g : maybe too many ppl ady the page sot kau

But we're guessing it's the third.

*unicef Demon Bound: It times out
*unicef Demon Bound: Well now I'm DEFINITELY sure it's a site run by our government

Do we love it? Huh? I think we nailed it.

The List

junian - national disservice: LIWEN GOING MAN
boonguan: LMAO ROFL

I should probably find something more interesting conversation starters, but this is (sadly) about as good as it gets sometimes.

junian - national disservice: the best one liwen
lih fern: i didnt get it!
lih fern: ahhahaha
lih fern: OHHHH
lih fern: pooor li wen

There is no why, okay? It just is.

junian - national disservice: LIWEN!
sherene: OMG!
sherene: hahahahahahhahahahha!
sherene: SERIOUSLY?!

How did they manage to draft all the most unlikely people?

junian - national disservice: waikhuin!
junian - national disservice: nooo
junian - national disservice: its like... watching the news for casualties
peako - seditious!: omg
peako - seditious!: we have to set up a candlelight vigil

I guess it would be good for them. Wai Khuin and Li Wen gonna come home looking like this.

That's what 90 days of intensive does to you. Or is it enough?

This is the list. Eighteen in all... so far. Help me keep it updated.

1. andrew
2. angeline
3. brianyeoh
   
4. clarissa
5. chunshuin
   
6. denise
   
7. edward
   
8. eliot
9. hsini
10. jeckbeng
11. jenming
    
12. jiahui
13. junian
14. leongwai
    
15. lianne
16. liwen
17. mayling
18. meichyi
19. michelletan
20. michelleyong
    
21. pardeep
22. pikyeng
23. phinwern
    
24. sarah
25. sheryl
26. thengee
27. tzekang
    
28. waikhuin
29. weelik
    
30. wenjuin
31. wilkin
32. yinghwee
33. yiwen
34. yuanling

More girls than guys though.

Well that's not too bad right?

People are treating it like it's a list of casualties or something though.

Chronicles: wat?
Chronicles: THEY KENA
Chronicles: thts sad

They took Jimmy? I can't believe it... I only just saw him last week!

marc: and daniel
junian - national disservice: daniel didnt
marc: he did la
junian - national disservice: he did not
junian - national disservice: he's lying

Just for the record... he was lying.

●Ĵŏjő● в ř ό ĸ έ й ●: WAT THE HELLL???
●Ĵŏjő● в ř ό ĸ έ й ●: DONT GO JUN IAN!!!!!!
junian - national disservice: do you know anyone who went for it?
●Ĵŏjő● в ř ό ĸ έ й ●: my cous did
junian - national disservice: did he say anything about it?
●Ĵŏjő● в ř ό ĸ έ й ●: she
●Ĵŏjő● в ř ό ĸ έ й ●: she and my aunty were spending the whole day crying

The state of the internet at 2130 last night.

Reactions

*^Yi^* 9 999 939: ask them go die
*^Yi^* 9 999 939: ask abdullah go NS himself

A rush of patriotism to the head.

junian - national disservice: lianne you got NS?
Li-Anne: BUGGER RIGHT
junian - national disservice: join the party

Well, the local forecast shows gloomy moods, with a high chance of panic. Small outbreaks of relief are also expected.

Screw Khidmat Negara: all peeps high 5!!
junian - national disservice: oh i see
Screw Khidmat Negara: owh
Screw Khidmat Negara: jun ian oops

Meteorologists admit the coming storm maybe be bigger than originally anticipated.

junian - national disservice: not that many ppl i know are going
nasyekim: rly?
nasyekim: its like the whole bloody kampung is going here

Apparently, getting drafted causes a lot of sympathy. It's almost like I said my canary died.

libby: did you get?
junian - national disservice: yeah
libby: oh.. sorry

Most people tend to take National Service... well... badly.

* pik: fuck fuck fuck fuck

However, this is not strictly true, as we shall now see.

The Other Camp

The reaction to National Service isn't negative across the board though. Some people want to go. I guess you could see it as a sort of three month OBS or something.

It's like Outward Bound on steroids!

If you're really really optimistic.

?a?·u?i ?? ??LOVE: i wanna get in too
?a?·u?i ?? ??LOVE: is it wrong?
-?ui?q?s-: good for you
junian - national disservice: get into NS?
junian - national disservice: you mean people want to get in?
?a?·u?i ?? ??LOVE: =/
?a?·u?i ?? ??LOVE: i do
-?ui?q?s-: apparently so...
?a?·u?i ?? ??LOVE: no one is as lazy as your spotlight hogging ass junian

Well I'm sorry my spotlight hogging ass might want to go to college during that time.

Some Clarity Required

Here's an interesting topic that came up last night.

[DisEnchanted]: i guess the 300 bucks isn't much of a motivation, huh
*unicef Demon Bound: I'd pay THEM 300 to not go
Screw Khidmat Negara: haha
the seething: id double that
Screw Khidmat Negara: u can get 300 bucks 4 stripping a whole night at a club lah
[DisEnchanted]: how the hell would you know?
Screw Khidmat Negara: u dont wanna know
junian - national disservice: wait they pay us to go?
the seething: im going to eat now
[DisEnchanted]: yeah
[DisEnchanted]: you get three hundred bucks
the seething: i hope the food isnt salty... WITH MY TEARS

Can anyone confirm this for me? I haven't been able to find it on any official website, but I've turned up a few blogs mentioning it.

There's no point of this picture being here. I just think it's cool.

Here's another. I initially heard that only one sibling from every family could be chosen. If you get picked, chances are your brothers and sisters wouldn't. Eliot says that's not the case.

Which means little Jamin, Dylan, Shern and Alison could still see the inside of a training camp.

junian - national disservice: i thought it was like the imperial army
junian - national disservice: one man from every family!
the seething: nope
junian - national disservice: i will be like mulan
junian - national disservice: cut my hair short and wear a corset
the seething: leave ur comb on ur fathers bed
the seething: ride out in the middle of the night
the seething: wait till the bus comes after lunch
junian - national disservice: yeah i imagine thats how it would work
the seething: a lot of singing

I want this toy.

The Rebellion

I was thinking about it, and... well, National Service is kinda like school. There are instructors and rules and... well, what keeps us from breaking too many school rules? The threat of expulsion, normally. But I don't see how getting expelled from National Service is a bad thing if you didn't want to go in the first place.

junian - national disservice: whats the worst they can do?
junian - national disservice: i wonder
junian - national disservice: call your parents?
junian - national disservice: solitary confinement?
the seething: sodomy
the seething: brutal, brutal sodomy

Probability

sherylgan: i calculated d probability
Li-Anne: *sheryl no life*

Well, I'm not going into details, but the outcome of Sheryl's calculations was that 25 people from our form would be chosen, or one out of every seven people.

Li-Anne: PROBABILITY SO WRONG
sherylgan: YES
sherylgan: last year
sherylgan: damn accurate lor

At this rate, it looks like Sheryl's going to be proven right by the end of the weekend.

The Remedy

junian - national disservice: apply for ns
junian - national disservice: omg who does that
yihui: mr low
yihui: so sad for u
yihui: think about the good side, u may meet a really hot chick there!
yihui: i always think like that if i am goin for a borin trip
yihui: and i always meet one or two

That could work, but I really like Daniel's way better.

junian - national disservice: why dont i have to go?
Screw Khidmat Negara: u can defer so when ure older u can buy ur way out.......thank you corruption!!

Boom!

Sequel

[AmonDeis]: is there a second batch or something?
junian - national disservice: thats... a good question
[AmonDeis]: i'll have to live in fear for another 3-4 months

Closure

It's late, I'm just back from concert, my blog is a mess and I'm a mess. But there's something I've got to note down, and I plan never to forget it.

It's just a small detail, but it's often these things that leave the most lasting impressions.

Okay... flashback to last year, after the Saturday night concert... was it Saturday or Friday? After the show, we were spread around the stage, taking group pictures and trying to hold on to the time of our lives. I was walking past the front row of seats when this woman approached me with a little girl in tow.

She told me how much she had enjoyed our performance, and how her daughter - the little girl now clinging on to one of her legs - had been thrilled to catch the comb I threw into the audience during the dance. And sure enough, there it was in her daughter's hand - the little black comb we all decided to buy on impulse. At the time she couldn't have been more than three or four years old.

She doesn't exactly look like that, but let's pretend she does.

One year passed and I forgot all about the girl and her mother.

Maybe I was setting my expectations too high after what we did with Grease last year, but this year's concert definitely felt in want of something compared to its predecessor. Maybe it was how fast everyone disappeared after the show was over, or even before... there was no celebratory mood as there had been the last time.

Walking past the front row of seats, I was approached by a woman again. She smiled at me as though she knew me. She asked me if I was the same boy who had been in Grease, and this didn't surprise me... I'd been recognized as such by parents before. I said yes, I was, and behind her I noticed a little girl clinging to one of her legs.

Realization struck me like a load of bricks.

She spoke to me, confirming what I had suspected... she was the same mother who had complimented me last year, whose daughter had caught my comb and was now standing, noticeably taller, in the same position she had been the last time we met. She recognized me, and according to her, so did her daughter. The girl shied away from me, exactly as she had done previously and I was just overwhelmed by the most perfect feeling of closure.

It was more than I could have hoped for, more than I had ever dreamed of.

Closure, that's what it was. Closure of the last memory I would ever have performing before the whole school, and of the one almost-perfect year that had followed after August 2006, when I discovered what would become my deepest passion.

That's over now. I'm not being - to employ a word already abused by our students - emo or anything, but it's a fact. Tonight was a lot of last chances for me, and the far from perfect result meant that I missed most of them.

Nothing left to look forward to, huh? Nothing left but to hit the ground running, towards the trials and the SPM... And it'll be over so soon you'll look back at your school life and wonder where the time had gone... or maybe it's over already.

That's just too depressing for words.

Lest I Forget

Warning: This post contains a hell lot of words.

It's not my style, so to speak, to write angry blogs about things because, well, it's so much nicer to read about nice things. But sometimes I need to make a note for myself. Lest I forget.

I'm going to write down my thoughts as they cross my mind. Something else I don't do much.


Two things. The Interact Club and the school concert.

About the Interact Club... well I don't have much to say. I mean, we're all so used to the tantrums getting correspondingly huger with each project, but the way she put it, firing the Vice President a fortnight before the end of the club year sounds almost like club policy (well, it didn't happen, but that's how she made it sound). An annual event, even. My feelings about the club have been inconsistent throughout.

On Tuesday I thought it was so amazing we were finally having a board meeting that was just pure fun... planning the installation of the new board, what was more. A farewell party was on the cards, and cushy retirement beckoned.

On Wednesday she was in a bad mood to begin with, but the installation went pretty well. And... well, Kai Foong asked me to say a few words and I almost choked up doing it. But I held on even though I thought my voice must have been getting shaky... and I spoke about how it suddenly became so clear, my memory of starting my directorship in that very spot barely a year ago, how brief and precious that year became to me, and how no matter what happened I'd always carry fond memories of my time as an Interactor.

On Thursday she had to go and spoil it all over again.

I found myself feeling sorry for the form fours. They have an entire year to go through. Funny huh? Just the day before I was telling everyone about how short our term of service was and how I wished it could be longer. I guess I'm not completely immune to her tantrums yet. It was one of those times I would have warned you against ever joining the Interact Club. I'm not sure how I feel about it right now. Thinking back to all the good and bad times... the good times were good, but the bad times were really bad.


And about the concert... I don't really know where to begin.

My dance... saying it's a disappointment would be an understatement. I mean, it's great for the girls, but I'd rather be a guy in any other dance but mine.

I don't care who reads this.

It's not your fault, any of you. The only ones I can blame for this are Matthews and myself. Matthews for following that amazing guide I wrote to the letter, and myself for not forseeing something like this.

When we first started out, the guys were doing their own thing, the girls were doing their own thing and everything was fine. The guys even got to practice in the hall... alone! I guess we were messing around too much cause Grace went and complained to Matthews about our dance being too hiphop, and Vicky pulled us out of there midway through the second week so we wouldn't get into any more trouble.

Not being able to use the hall was annoying, but we carried on without it and we managed to get our steps done by the third Wednesday of practice, one day before the first rehearsal.


On Thursday morning, Sarah came to me early and told me the guys wouldn't be dancing that day. According to Vicky, Matthews had already received complaints about the guys being too modern and the girls being too Malay, so she didn't want to risk anything by showing her our part when she was out to get us. I didn't feel that our steps were overly... not Indian, but I agreed.

Well, the dances were screwed from the start. I watched Matthews scold the Egyptian dancers until one of the girls cried. That was... well... I came to a realization. Matthews wasn't just a strict, old-fashioned cow. She actually was a bad principal. No matter what your stance on education, any principal who can yell at a performing student until they break down doesn't deserve to be in office. That's just too much.

Anyway, our girls got it from her too. The way they shook was too slow, she said. Too sexy. If they shook faster she would have called it Indian. We had to do the dance again, from scratch. Even the song had to go, since it was in Hindi, which was from North India, when we were South India. Where the Indians speak Tamil.

Why can't the Indians just be unified? Why do they have to have factions?

So we started from scratch. Without her having even seen the guys dance. And that was fine with me. So we changed the story of the dance too. Instead of the girls coming out, then the guys, then both, we'd have the girls out from the start with the guys, and they'd all have scenes. And that was fine with me.

They told me to come up with new moves for the guys. Which I did.

And so began the fourth week.


On Monday, the teaching of a whole new dance was underway. That day, the girls were getting most of the moves. I couldn't do much because I wasn't not familiar with the song (it all sounded the same) and I needed to know what the girls were doing because I had to fit the guys moves in around them. But that was fine with me. At least we had some freedom.

On Tuesday, the guys were taught steps... well, basically what the girls had done the day before. I was given a slot for the guys to do their own moves. We would still be sandwiched by the girls during that time though. But that was fine with me. At least we were doing our own thing.

On Wednesday, Vicky began the polishing of the dance, so to speak. Which basically meant doing mundane things like walking, turning and shaking over and over again until she was satisfied. That was still fine with me, since it was all for a good reason.

And another thing... the time the guys had for our own moves was cut in half, and now we would be spending about half a minute in a freeze behind the girls before rejoining them for the last few steps.


On Thursday, we had to give up that time completely. And instead of freezing behind the girls, we'd be backstage for a full minute. Enough time, we said, for a few rounds of Blackjack. And of all the time we did have on stage, all we did was either mimic the girls or shake. The final number of steps I contributed to the dance? Two.

During one of our cuter formations, Sharlene asked me if I was embarrassed. I told her I wasn't. It was the truth... I was past being embarrassed, past being angry and past trying to fix things.

I hate it, but what can I do? Wasting my energy on it won't solve a damn thing. I'm only sorry for the other guys. I'm sorry for En Yaw, Jason, Brian and Kevin. I'm sorry you got involved in this. I'm sorry I couldn't help you do more of a dance. I'm sorry things turned out so bad the only possible progression in this vein would be to remove the guys altogether.

Well, that's all I guess.


Good thing music's a healing force. If I hadn't been listening to these tracks all day, I might be in a much worse mood.

PS: A warning to North India's lady dancers (especially Sandra), Brian's Form Ones - the little Africans - are perving on you.

How To Organize A School Concert

So you've decided to organize a concert for your school, but you're clueless about dancing and music, you have no previous experience and you're completely lost in the planning stage.

Never fear! This user friendly, step-by-step guide will have your concert up and floundering in no time.

* Step One: Just Add Water

First, you need to consider what your concert is going to feature. It could contain acting, singing, dancing, or a combination of all three. A musical is ideal for this purpose.

Apart from being greatly enjoyable for audiences of all ages, a good musical has the potential to immerse your entire school in a warm blanket of song, dance and high spirits.

Observe the following. It's a promotional video for Sri Cempaka's We Will Rock You Musical last year. Yeah, they did a musical based on Queen. So what?

Click to watch. It's a really fun, inspired piece of work.

* Step Two: Pick A Theme

You see, every concert needs a theme. However, the less original the theme the better.

As I just mentioned, last year Sri Cempaka did a musical based on Queen. That wasn't very unoriginal. And worse, the entire soundtrack consisted of rock songs!

If you let rock into your school, sooner or later you're going to end up with rock and roll, and your school concerts are going to start kicking ass. We don't want that. No way. It's a school production. Ass kicking has no place in an institution of learning.

Going back to the selection of an appropriate theme, what about one that allows for diverse selection of content while retaining watertight criteria for selection?

...Yeah, you probably didn't get that.

What it means, is that with the right theme, you can have a whole lot of different performances, yet make sure that everyone in those different performances sticks to the plan.

Sounds like getting to have your cake and eat it too, doesn't it?

Figure 1.0 - Cake

Well the cake is present, it is delicious and it has a name.

Dances From Around The World.

No... wait for it... Traditional Dances From Around The World. See? That way you can have a whole bunch of people doing anything you want - you have an entire world full of nations and cultures to pick from - and an easy way to remove any aspect you don't want. Just say it's not traditional enough!

Crazy huh? And as if that wasn't enough reason to go with Dances From Around The World, you can even take the chance to seed a little patriotism into the audience. Or force it down their throats.

See, you could have a couple of actors going all around the world, checking out all the dances in all the countries and eventually coming to the realization that there's no place like home. Brilliance!

So what do you think? I think we nailed it.

* Step Three: A Cast Of Thousands

Before deciding how many students you want to include in your production, consider this. Three hundred students will inevitably have more parents than a hundred students. And as a school, parental support is important. Think about it. Would you really pay to see a show staring someone else's kids?

You don't exactly get a warm and fuzzy feeling looking at it, do you?

See? See! That's magic.

All parents would prefer to look at the second picture, the one with their child in it, compared to the first one, which is almost identical but full of strangers. Similarly, a concert with their own child in it will garner more of their support than one without. How do we ensure that we reap the benefits of this support to its fullest?

You guessed it: a cast of thousands.

* Step Four: Rome Wasn't Built In A Day, But We're Not Building A City Here

There are several fundamental rules to a production of any kind. Observe the following.


Keeping this rule in mind is vital. You can't have everything.

If you want to have an awesome concert with maximum student participation, the sheer multitude of factors involved mean it's obviously not going to come together in a couple of weeks.

If you want to architect a great show but you haven't got a whole lot of time, you'd most likely have to give the spotlight to a handful of students who already know what they're doing and don't need weeks of practice to prepare.

If you want to involve as many students as possible, but you don't want to mess up too many of their lessons in the process, some quality will inevitably be sacrificed in bringing the show home.

We've already established that we want to pack as many students onto that stage as the UN will tolerate, so what are we going to sacrifice? Quality or lesson time?

Back up a minute, why is this even a question? If you detract pupils from the syllabus, you're going to get lots of complaints from parents! Besides, most moms and dads don't care how bad the show is, as long as their kids are in it they'll whoop and cheer all the same. It's high school!

* Step Five: Burn The Ships

Cortes had a plan, he wanted to lead an expedition into Mexico to obtain its many treasures. He presented his plan to the Spanish governor, who was so excited that he gave him eleven ships and seven hundred men.

Cortes did not tell the men or the governor the complete plan. After months of travel the eleven ships landed in Veracruz. Cortes had the men unload everything from all eleven ships. As they headed into their new adventure the men turned back and saw all eleven ships burning!

Their reaction was to fight back, as surely an enemy had initiated such an attack. Cortes halted the men, as this was in his plan, he had ordered the ships to all be burned.

Cortes did not know what he and his men would encounter in their expeditions. What he did know was that by burning the ships he had completely eliminated their option of going back. At the same time creating an intensely powerful motivation to succeed.

Figure 2.0 - Burn them good

What does this have to do with your concert? Well, it's hardly on equal terms with an invasion of Mexico, but what both ventures have in common is that they're, well, ventures and whether a venture is made or broken depends heavily on the level of commitment of the people involved.

Since you have no ships to burn, how do you ensure that your cast remains dedicated? Here's an idea: why not issue a directive that requires students to remain in a dance once they sign up? Most students will sign up for the concert as soon as they get the chance, and often don't check the details first. In a way, it's kinda like making them sign a contract with the devil, but less fair.

If any parents complain, just tell them that their child should not be in the school at all if they are unwilling to follow the rules. Don't forget to mention how many people frequently beg for a place in the school, even if the last time that happened was in 1994.

Congratulations! Now you know how to organize your very own school concert!

Good luck, and don't forget to check out Around The World With Wesley on the 22nd of July (this month)! Our dancers have been practicing real hard an hour a day, four days a week for about three weeks now!

Wait... by the time you're reading this, all the tickets for seats in our own highly exclusive, limited capacity hall have probably sold out.

Oh well.

Two Weeks Later

Famine's this weekend? Are you excited? I know I am!

So far we've raised over twelve thousand dollars in the name of less fortunate children all over the world. So... thank you all for your generous donations!

Here's a quick (not really) recap of what's been happening in the days (weeks?) since I last blogged.

! 15/6/07 - Friday

We did not get the ball back. Neither did we hear from the staff of MBS.

Life went on.

! 16/6/07 - Saturday

The Interact Club's kids carnival took place in school. It doesn't really concern most of you, but if you're wondering what a kid's carnival is, it's like a carnival, for kids.

Profound!

The kids were mostly from orphanages or impoverished families around Sentul. The majority were young kids, between the ages of six to twelve. However, the group had a couple of extreme values (that's maths!) in the form of two sixteen year olds and one seventeen year old.

All morning we kept the younger kids busy with musical chairs, station games and sand art, while the others joined us for basketball, football and stories about life in school and church.

Guy: So your principal is Malay or what?
Kevin: No, Indian woman. Used to be a man.
Jun Ian: HAH!

It was a good time. Our photographer guy took like seven hundred pictures in the few hours we were there. Not that I've got any.

Night heralded the arrival of Jamie Neo, here for the weekend.

Jamie: I will have mercy and leave your national landmarks untouched. The Petronas Towers shall stand.

Wow, really? Our humble nation is eternally in your debt.

Jun Ian: And which is your guide? The blind one or the bald one?

A few of us met up for dinner at Bangsar Village - Peako, Lih Fern, En Yaw, Eugene, Jamie, Mahadi and myself.

Peako: Where's En Yaw? Oh he's calling.
Jun Ian: Tell him we're at Nike. Don't say which one.
Peako: How many does this place have?
Jun Ian: Two. One sporting and one casual.
Lih Fern: So which one are we going to?
Jun Ian: Puma.

The restaraunt was a posh deal, but not without its shortcomings.

Eugene: I can't believe everyone's food is here but mine.
En Yaw: Why's your lamb taking so long?
Mahadi: Maybe they're trying to catch the lamb.
Jun Ian: Or maybe their sheep is giving birth.

On a variety of topics.

Jun Ian: Would you really give up a cool name like Neo for one like Mohamadon?
Jamie: Maybe... if you shorten it I guess.
Peako: That wouldn't be all. You'd have to change Jamie to Jamaliah or something.
Jun Ian: They make you do what?

! 18/6/07 - Monday

Dance practice started. It's pretty sad how we only have an hour a day for a month to get our act together for concert.

Practice hours per day: 1
Practice days per week: 5
Practice hours per week: 1 x 5 = 5
Weeks until concert: 5
Total number of practice hours: 5 x 5 = 25

That's like one whole day.

WMS FTW.

! 19/6/07 - Tuesday

My pet sister Joey's birthday.

...What?

junian?: oh wait!
junian?: how about a FISH!
?Jojo?: WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I WANT THATT?!?!?!
junian?: no wait
?Jojo?: hahahhahahahah
junian?: if it died that would be bad
?Jojo?: WAT THE HELL MAN!!
?Jojo?: YEA!!
?Jojo?: that would be the end of our friendship!
?Jojo?: woot!!
junian?: who asked you not to take care of my FISH?
junian?: one day the fish i give you will save your life
?Jojo?: =____________________=
?Jojo?: if u rly give me a fish
?Jojo?: im SOOOOOOOOOOO gonna kill it

You will learn to love this sweet tropical fish.

! 20/6/07 - Wednesday

Wen Juin's birthday. Celebrated with boxes of Lindt and Chocolate Indulgence, which I discovered was the most delightful cake in the existence.

Some believe a new universe is created every time someone has a taste.

! 21/6/07 - Thursday

Keng Yee threw coleslaw at my head. I got her back though. I won't say where.

But it was an excellent shot.

! 23/6/07 - Saturday

CF Camp today. What can I say about it? It was awesome.

Like a religious rock concert.

Jun Ian: So you said you managed to get some of the best bands in the Klang Valley?
Marcus: That's right.
Jun Ian: How many bands are there in the Klang Valley exactly?
Marcus: Two. One for morning worship and one for night rally.

I went around to everyone's blog looking for pictures or a detailed account of some sort but I couldn't find any.

So I shall be the first. But there will be no actual pictures.

a Never Jumped

Ever been to chapel in the mornings? The barely audible vocals, the trash of the instruments, the futility of the piano, the crowds of Buddhists.

And the jumpers.

Don't know what a jumper is? In the language of our school chapel, a jumper is a person who gets so caught up in the music or worship during chapel that they start jumping up and down during the chorus of a fast song.

For example.

The thing about jumpers in daily morning chapel is that there's not a lot of them. The atmosphere's not that immersive, and people tend to be self-conscious. So what normally happens is that a couple of jumpers will start, in random places around the hall, then stop after a couple of lines.

Camp was not like that.

When XYZ, the second best band (according to Marcus) in the Klang Valley arrived that morning, one of the first things they did was teach us all to wave our arms and jump together, and which parts of the song to do what. Then they played Majesty.

The way the crowd responded was mind blowing.

z Hosanna

Worship's not all about hollering and jumping though, awesome as it may be. The Christians believe in quiet time and prayer, and we had that in spades too. As it turns out, the proper way to calm yourself after vigorous chapel activity is by closing your eyes and singing Hosanna like forty times.

d In Case of Emergency Break Dance

Pastor Andy Yeoh was one of those dynamic young church enthusiasts who never seem to run out of steam. His passion was infectious, and he spoke for an hour longer than the committee planned. But that was okay because he was just that good.

Right at the start, he gets on stage and starts bouncing around.

"Okay, I wanna try something out, and I need someone to help me. Is there anyone here who can breakdance?"

I freeze and my heart skips a beat as every gaze in the hall spins around to fix on me.

"Jun Ian!" Someone shouts.

"MARCUS!" I protest, pointing. Futile.

There I was, standing up on the stage next to him (I almost tripped on his Bible) and he starts talking again. He wants to make up a rap, about God. The drummer would play a beat, he explains, and he wants me to dance while he raps.

Before I know it, the beat is playing, the pastor is rapping and my inner voice is screaming at me in disbelief.

"My G-O-D is B-I-G!" Pastor Andy starts flashing crazy ghetto signs at the crowd, walking in true rapper style and looking at me like I'm supposed to be doing something.

"My G-O-D is B-I-G!"

No problem, I think. You can do this. Just step, bounce, step, bounce, cross and turn, step and slide... People are cheering. Guess this isn't so bad after all.

"My G-O-D is B-I-G!"

Step, bounce, step, wait, is Kay Lee recording this? Cross and turn, trip, whoops! Focus! Did anyone notice? Don't think so.

"My G-O-D is B-I-G!"

Step and slide, bounce and spin...

"My G-O-D is BIG!"

He shouts one last time, then it's all over.

m The Shoe and The Tower

The station games at camp were cool in the sense that most of them were original, creative and gave you sense of accomplishment to complete without being too challenging.

Except Marcus's game. Stupid Marcus.

I will not go into detail about Marcus's game. Suffice to say it involved running in circles with your head sideways around a stick until he was satisfied or you collapsed. No prizes for guessing which usually came first.

My favorite game was probably Caroline's. Construct a tower out of tape, newspaper and string. The tallest tower still standing after a blow from Zhou Wei wins.

The heights of the towers were measured in broomsticks. Before my group arrived, the record stood at three and a half broomsticks.

So I tied the string to my shoe and threw it over the branch of a nearby tree. The branch held. I lowered the string to the ground and we started tying newspapers around it. When we decided we were done, we raised the string back up to form a spiraling tower of six and a half broomsticks.

Thinking out of the box. It's awesome every time.

e Hallel

I thought the morning worship session was awesome. The night rally took it to a whole new level. The best band in the Klang Valley according to Marcus, ACTStreme took the stage. Apparently God loves to party hard, because pastor Andy returned to teach us moves that wouldn't have been out of place at a rave. Jumping as high as we could, punching the air, spinning in circles and gyrating wildly were all a part of worship that night.

I was up in front, next to one of the amps with Mike, Jocelyn, Grace, Tammy, Eli, Xyun, Hannah, David, Laura, Carmen, Mariko, Jon Yeoh, Zhou Wei and a whole crowd of people. It was insane.

There was a bit that went something like this, pastor Andy would call out,

"Give me a J!"

And we'd reply,

"J! We got your J we got your J!"

Which we did, with variations, for all the letters J-E-S-U-S and I just found that incredibly fun and cool. And then he taught us a new word.

Hallel.

According to the pastor, Hallel was a form of praise that literally meant go crazy. In accordance with some ancient party tradition, all of us had to take six steps, in each and every way, and then on the seventh, reach Hallel and lose ourselves completely.

"One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... SEVEN!"

Time slowed down as the lights flashed, the instruments rang and everyone threw themselves into a frenzy. The world around me exploded into a maelstrom of furious energy. I felt the vibrations of the crowd in the deepest reaches of my body, and while it lasted, I felt a sort of warmth fill me, and everything was clear in my head.

I guess you could call it a peak experience.

So much for my tale of CF Camp 2007 : Floodgates. There are a few things I didn't get to mention, like Ivan and Ju-Hann's sketch of the prodigal son, but it's actually past midnight and I'm really tired from staying up til two every night since the weekend.

I'm ending this post here, but you'll find out about what happened this week in my next post, most likely after Famine.

While you wait, why not have a look at my playlist?

Keep Their Candles Burning

Matthews: Banyak orang ada anjing, kucing, burung...
Brian: Harimau...
Liwen: Babi.

I didn't blog much about things during my last post. Lots of things happened in the past week or two, during the holidays and in school. Some of these things deserve telling.

One such thing happened today.

We were playing football, as is our custom on Thursdays. The ball was a slick looking Adidas model that Wai Khuin brought. About five minutes into the second game, Adi kicked the ball over the wall (rhymes!) into the Methodist Boys School next door.

One of two things usually happens when the ball goes over the fence.

1. Someone in MBS throws it back.
2. One of us has to go get it.

So this occurence, while annoying common some days, has only ever resulted in a slight delay in the game.

Today, there were a few guys on the other side of the wall, so we shouted to them to help us retrieve it. Some of them ran off to search in the bushes, and I started thinking about what a funny thing it would be if they just decided to keep it.

Then a funny thing happened.

An indian boy in a black shirt found the ball and ran over. Instead of throwing the ball to us, he started kicking it around. Then when someone shouted at him he tucked it under his arm and ran into the school.

We stood stunned for a few moments.

Then Dass dashed off towards the school, followed by Adi, Nathan, Hari, Pardeep, Azfar, Daniel and a few other guys. I went with them, kinda hoping there would be a fight of some sort that I could participate in, or at least witness. Mr Siva tagged behind us, trying in vain to turn us back.

Daniel: Check out the size of this stick! We could really beat in some heads!
Adi: Put the stick down, Daniel.

We ran through the school. It was the first time I had ever been in MBS. Everything was so different. The school looked very old, and all the linked fences, open classrooms, worn tables and big metal signboards had a certain charm to them. The kind of charm you might find in say, a prison. But a homely sort of prison.

On the gate was a bright red sign:

Syabas! Kerana Anda Tiba Ke Sekolah.

Translated, that means, congratulations for making it to school!

Stellar. Why doesn't anyone congratulate me for coming to school?

There was another sign in the courtyard:

COUNTDOWN

[___] Days To PMR
[___] Days To SPM

Thankfully, both had been left blank.

Anyway, a quick tour through the school later, we found Dass, standing by the front gate with a security guard and a few students. As it turned out, they saw a boy with a ball under his arm sprint out of school a few minutes earlier. No one stopped him. That was the crazy thing. He just stole a ball, ran out of school and went home without even being questioned.

Defeated, we returned to our school. The MBS told us they'd try to get him when he came for school tomorrow, but for now we were out of a ball. So we split up and some of us went to play volleyball.

Lots of people probably saw us at it, since school was just over and we played like tools. If you get a chance, watch Jason play volleyball. It is a joy and an enlightenment.

Quick Lessons In Bio #1

Punitha: And next to the medulla oblongata are the pons, which control visceral functions like breathing.
Jen Ming: Are there brain ducks in the pons?

Quick Lessons In Bio #2

Punitha: This part is the cerebellum. It controls your body balance and if it gets it hard you can get knocked out.
Jing Hang: So it's like... the balls of the brain?

One more thing... registration for the Interact Club's 30 Hour Famine opens tomorrow.

I don't have to tell you to join up as soon as you can.

Our theme this year is PS the children, which stands for protect and save the children. A common mistake is thinking it means please save the children.

Jing Hang: What is the theme of our famine this year? Form fours!
Eugene: Please save the children.
Jing Hang: Are you sure?
Eugene: Yes.
Jing Hang: Very sure?
Eugene: Yes.
Jing Hang: Do you want to save the children?
Eugene: Yes...
Jing Hang: How are you going to save them?

Why do we have to save the children anyway? Well, simply put, children are the future of the world.

Save the children, save the world.

I know. We are huge fcuking lamers.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't give your all to save the children.

Help them keep their candles burning.

Fun With English

The Secret Lives Of Panda presents

Fun with English in 5W/P Set One!

On Tuesday, we played a game. I'm not sure what it's called, but it's the one where everyone takes turns to come up with a different sentence to form a story. Sounds childish, I know, but it was dope.

The text in fiery shades is the story we came up with. The text in icy blues is everything else.

Mdm Moses: I didn't know what just hit me.
Wei Han: I felt dizzy.
Sze Jian: So I lied down on my bed.
Mdm Moses: Lay down.
Sze Jian: Right.
Jethro: Then my sister came in... and jumped on me.

The class gives an two-note, ascending oo-OOH.

Jun Ian: Then... I came in and pulled Jethro's sister off him.
Mdm Moses: What? It doesn't work that way. It's you.
Jun Ian: It's me? No it's Jethro.
Wen Juin: Actually it's Wei Han.
Mdm Moses: No the way it works is that you're the one on the bed now.
Jun Ian: Oh okay. Then Jun Ian came in and pulled my sister off me.
Wen Juin: I felt sad because I couldn't spend quality time with my sister.

The class laughs.

Angeline: I sent my sister out of the room and locked the door.
Mdm Moses: So it's just you and Jun Ian in there? What's going to happen?
Phin Wern: We... had a long chat.
Jun Ian: I just realised I wrote myself into the story...
Wen: Yeah...
Jun Ian: That's so cool.
Rachel: We made plans about what we were going to do with Jun Ian.
Mdm Moses: Huh? But you're talking to Jun Ian!
Rachel: Oh I thought my sister. Never mind la.
Chuan Han: Okay... I felt sleepy so I sent him outside.
Eu Jin: And I went to sleep.
Mdm Moses: The story became so tame suddenly! All about long chats and sleeping!
Yan Por: I had a nightmare and I woke up.
Caryn: I saw Jun Ian... staring at me.
Yi Wen: I wondered what he was doing back in the room.
Brian: Then I realised Jun Ian wanted to sleep with me.

The class explodes into furious laughter.

Jing Hang: I... didn't know what to do.

Something about the way he says it makes the class laugh even harder. Even Mdm Moses is laughing.

Lih Fern: I decided to let Jun Ian sleep with me.

The class reacts.

Sherene: But I got hungry so I went out.
Mdm Moses: Okay okay... from now on, no more obscenities.

But she's still laughing.

Lisha: I realised I should have licked Jun Ian.
Mdm Moses: What did you say?
Lisha: Uhm... I realised I should have kicked Jun Ian.
Zhi Mei: Then I went to eat dinner.
Derek: I had my dinner.
Li Wen: And then after dinner I had another cake.
Mdm Moses: Another cake? A whole cake?
Li Wen: Yeah.
Peako: I went to the fridge and when I opened it, I found Jun Ian inside.
Soe Foong: I had a stomach ache.
Mdm Moses: You found Jun Ian in the fridge and had a stomach ache? Okay Denise, finish it.
Denise: Then I heard the sound of my alarm clock ringing. I woke in my bed and realised it had all been a very strange dream.
Jun Ian: Classic ending.